Cool "Things", Cool Camouflage

Cool "Things"

I don't know what a lot of current "things" are called. I notice that cool people talk about "things" during conversations, and the way they talk about these "things" sounds cool. Since I don't make a ton of money, I don't really buy as many "things" anymore, and since I don't want to tempt myself about "things", I don't pay attention to cool, hip advertising about "things". Owning cool "things" also means that you have to know "thing" terminology, so you can communicate with people who own similar "things". Since many cool conversations are about "things", I basically have little to talk about with cool people.

Here are some words/terms that are too cool for me to use in normal conversation. Sometimes I slip and use them, because I'm trying to be cool, but I'm really not.

metrosexual

___ Bay (South Bay, East Bay, etc.)

certifiable

henna

medication, medicated, medicate

urban

hottie

out, outed

wine tasting

denial

jumpsuit

slack, slacker, slacking

bizarre

sous chef

stalker, stalking

rephrase

that is so ______ on so many levels

Dasani

buzz, buzzed

texting

bitch-slap

The E Channel

journal

karmic

..

What I Do That Makes People Think I May Be Cool

I like a lot of Beck's songs. I don't know why. Maybe because I don't know why, I like Beck. I listen to Beck probably like a dog would watch me wash my car--with a certain curiosity about impermanence and futility, with my head slightly tilted to one side.

I keep my shirts untucked. Not because Carson Daly does it, but it's because my belly has gotten too big for me to tuck my shirt into my pants. Except when I have to go to a business meeting. Then I wear my stretchy pleated pants, and then I use a belt.

I'm a designer. Most designers I've met are cool, I think, which is why I don't really hang out with designers. Why did I become a designer? At the beginning, I was supposed to be an engineer (it's a Filipino thing, don't ask). But during Year Two in college, I took a good long look at the engineering curriculum and decided, no. As I was walking away from the Engineering building, I passed by the Design building, and noticed that they also offered a bachelor of science degree, same as an engineer. I figured I could switch majors, get a diploma with a "b.s." on it and my parents wouldn't notice the difference. But the original reason I became a designer was to avoid thinking real hard. So I'm lazy as well as uncool.

I like to write poetry and songs. But I've noticed that a lot of writers, especially the good ones, are too cool to sacrifice their writing integrity in order to make more money, or any money for that matter. Being a comfy man, I like my central air conditioning and pillow-top mattress, which means I have to make enough money for this sort of lifestyle, which means I will not hesitate to change my writing if it will pay my mortgage this month. In the writing world, they call that a sellout. And I think it automatically disqualifies me for any cool points.

I own an iPod. But it's filled with Billy Joel songs and interviews with computer geeks like Steve Wozniak and Jeff Bezos.

I wear body cream and smoothing oil from stores like The Body Shop and Bath and Body Works. This is because I stink more than normal people, and normal cologne doesn't work on me.

I own a pair of black Converse skate shoes. They sit in my closet. My feet like arch support.

I watch art films. Not because I particularly like watching art films, but just so I can try and understand how cool people act in movies.

When I go to Starbucks, I order "venti mocha soy decaf, no whip." It sounds like I've tried a lot of coffees. I haven't. Venti because it's only fifty cents more. Mocha because I'm too lazy to figure out how much sugar to put, and mocha is automatically sweet. Soy because I'm lactose intolerant. Decaf because I like sleep. And no whip because that would defeat the purpose of asking for soy. It has less to do with taste, and more with survival.

Instant Poem

It's 5:37am, I can't sleep and will try to write an impromptu poem. Here I go...


there is an instant sleep between two doubts
going quiet, resting for a second, looking
for words that define why yes is a yes
and maybe is excruciating

you feel for it and realize that it isn't the right direction

and for another second, as you go deeper and deeper and deeper,
changing directions, touching the different walls of your mind for a hint
you temporarily feel sadness for those who are unable to do this
how they must live their lives using other people's words
other people's description of what is accomplishment

and you revel in this elusive moment,
as if it can be contained in a linear fashion

as if it will allow you to hold on to it
before it finally convinces you
that it had never been

but you had written it,
and for this, you are better than those

who had not.



(finished this in 13 minutes, goddamnit)


(I just woke up the next day, reread the poem above, and realized that it's not that good. But what the hell, I got excellent sleep after writing it. Good enough.)

Quiet Addiction$

After making a good deal of money during the dot-com explosion, I realized, as many have already, that I wasn't any happier. Not that I was sad in the first place, but money didn't add to my happiness. The acquiring of things didn't solve problems.

And then today a friend forwarded me this amazing blog:

Link: What's at Stake

and this line:

"Addictions are addictions and materialism is no different."

This made me want to write a laundry list of my own addictions, past and present, including materialism, just to force me to acknowledge them and hopefully, over time, overcome them. I'm not addicted to the more common alcohol or drugs, nor will I talk about those given addictions like television and junk food; my addictions are quieter, more subversive.

Collectibles

From comic books to baseball cards to Star Wars "memorabilia", I realized that I was addicted to these things when I kept buying them even though I no longer had time to even enjoy them. As soon as I got home, the comic books would be bagged and stored in a "collectors" box, without my reading any of them. Same with the Star Wars stuff. If there's any good that came out of those Star Wars prequels, one would be that they made me realize how ridiculous I was for still buying this crap. After watching The Phantom Menace, I took a really good look at my Star Wars collection, and stopped buying. I now have closets full of stuff that will soon be on eBay.

Buying books instead of reading them

This is absolutely a symptom of materialism. There was a time in my life where I would buy a handful of books and magazines, come home, then shelve them, never to read them. It's as if the act of my owning them was the same as reading them. As if I'm going to "absorb" the knowledge through osmosis if I kept these things in my house long enough. Now that I think about it, the same happened with CDs and DVD movies. I still have a couple DVDs that are still plastic wrapped.

I feel guilty just thinking about this. As an affluent American, I thought that by buying knowledge, I could instantly gain it.

Golf

This is easily one of the best consumer-driven addictions around. I would begin by buying a set of cheap ($150) golf clubs, play with them without knowing what I was doing, think that it's the clubs' fault, then buy a more expensive set of clubs ($250), still suck at it, then spend hours and hundreds of dollars at the driving range, paying for buckets and buckets of balls, then pay $30 to absolutely suck at 18 holes, then pay for more buckets for more practice, more "specialized" clubs, and on and on...

I have since stopped playing golf, admitted that the only reason I played was because I loved to hit the crap out of the ball, and that I could do the same thing at a batting cage (baseball) for a lot less money. That reminds me, I should sell my clubs on eBay or a garage sale.


I'm tired and sleepy so I'll stop now and resume later. Memo to myself--talk about How I Save Money Shopping Because I Don't Give a Crap About Designer Labels, and Payless Shoes are really really comfortable.

What I Do to Breathe

This could be part 2 of "Why I'm Happy":

- I don't play chess in my brain anymore. Like trying to forecast what might happen if I do this, or I do that, or what other people may think if I do this or I do that. I've decided that I know what is right and what is wrong, what feels right and what feels wrong, and I act on those convictions.

- I'm not cool. I don't look cool, I don't laugh cool, I don't talk cool, I don't act cool. I don't think cool. My friends aren't cool. But we are all damn comfortable.

- I say sorry only when I mean it. When in doubt, I say please. When in error, I admit it. When praised, I accept wholeheartedly.

- I occasionally rub my belly to celebrate the fact that I am not starving.

- I will not hesitate to tell any friend that I have absolutely nothing to do on a Saturday night, that nobody called me to do anything, and would they mind if I plop myself on their couch for a couple hours. I don't mind calling myself a loser as long as nobody believes it.

- I will stand in the middle of a bookstore and read a comic book.

- Instead of taking a pill, I take a nap.

- I am thankful that I've inherited some of my parents' goofy habits.

- Instead of wearing a tie, I acknowledge the fact that my clients are human beings.

- I don't know 90% of what my cell phone can do.

- I've expanded my definition of "healthy".

Friends, Funerals and Brain Downloads

Friends and Funerals and Passing the Age of Personal Drama

I've noticed recently that the older I get, the less friends I seem to think I have. But in reality, I have more friends than ever. They just don't call attention to themselves like they used to. Because we are past the age of personal drama, I don't worry, don't have to worry, about my friends. They have relatively smooth-running lives. It's kind of boring but in a nice way. When we were younger, the conflicts were more personal, who-did-what and who was at fault. As we get older, our more pressing conflicts have to do with property tax, health insurance, and saving enough money for a decent retirement. Reminds me of Billy Joel's song, Angry Young Man: "I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage. I found that just surviving was a noble fight."

I know I have a ton of friends because I imagined that I died, and began to count the people at my funeral. It would easily be more than people who will go to my wedding, because I do believe that more people think that I will never die, compared to those who think that I will never get married. But both numbers would be staggering, because people like a good freak show. In either case, the caterers would have to charge extra and they would need folding chairs to accommodate the overflow. Latecomers will have no choice but to eat cold lumpia, no dipping sauce. This makes me smile.

..

Really cool article:

CNN: Brain downloads 'possible by 2050'

If we delete memory chunks like Reality TV, Britney Spears music and the like, we might be able to have this ready by 2040.

Why I'm Happy

People who don't know me past ten years ago think I'm buddha. Not the svelte Siddhartha buddha, but more like the porcelain chubby fellow whose stomach you rub so you can win at slots or lotto. They think that I've laughed all my life, that everything's been pretty much happy with me in an orange county way, but with a bit more reflection. They think that I've always been optimistic, that I've always seen the glass as half full. These days, I believe that the glass is neither half full or half empty, but if you take a smaller glass, you can use that same water to pretty much fill it up all the way to the top, and not worry about it. That's me.

And when I tell them that I haven't always been this way, they say, "but everyone who talks about you says that they've never seen you as anything but absolutely optimistic and happy." I tell them it's because those who knew me longer than ten years, I've had killed. Well, not really. They've just moved to where real estate is more affordable.

(Even though I rarely travel, I seem to mention geography a lot. If I were more self-reflective and paranoid, I would ponder this. But I'm not, so onward.)

So what happened since then and now? Why am I happier, more content? Some examples:


I Don't Worry About Who Likes Me

I figure that if half the people in the world can tolerate me and the other half absolutely despises me, that still leaves 3 billion people that I can get along with. I can live with that. And out of that 3 billion, there's about half a dozen that I see on a regular basis. More than that, and I'd go poor going out to dinner so often. If I had more friends, I'd have to work harder to make more money to keep up with so many friends, and I'd wind up getting pissed from working harder and on a bad day might wind up blaming one of my friends for asking me to dinner so much. And then I would lose that friend, and all those previous dinners with that ex-friend would have been wasted, and I would wonder why I just didn't give that money to charity in the first place.


I Live an Unexciting Life

I'll be the first to admit that I live an unexciting life. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, gamble, gravitate toward drama or addictive behavior, or go to places where people drink, smoke, do drugs, gamble, or gravitate toward drama or addictive behavior. This includes Amway meetings and timeshare seminars. It's not as much a judgmental or moral thing, but the bottom line is my bank account and health insurance can't afford it. I simply don't have the money or hereditary platelets to cover the expense of living this way. I'm a "comfy man" (thank you Eddie Izzard for that phrase) because it's the cheapest way to live. I should like to live a very long time, being excited about simply being alive and having the ability and clear conscience to laugh about it. When I get the notion, I'll order a double cappuccino instead of a mocha soy decaf. But never after 6pm.


I Work at Home

When people ask why I work at home, I tell them, "Because I will be able to do this exact same job when I'm 80 years old. I'm ten steps from the bathroom, I can take naps whenever I want, and I don't have to worry about how I smell. And I can watch Oprah at 3 o'clock." I don't make as much money, but then again I don't need as much money because the only person I have to impress every day is myself, and I'm already impressed with myself, even when I'm in my ratty clothes, uncoiffed, uncologned, and uncaring about office politics. I don't have the perks of a company-covered health insurance, but I figure that if I don't go out of my way to hurt myself, I'll stay healthy and won't need too much health insurance. If Chinese fishermen could do it for thousands of years, so can I.


I Drive a Honda

A comfy man needs a comfy car. My Accord has over 100,000 miles on it, it's paid for, and it rides like it's brand new. I don't need a new car, my ego doesn't need a new car, and my friends and family don't care whether or not I have a new car. I don't use it to race someone else just to show off my swollen testicles, which will hopefully give it (my car, not my testicles) another 100,000 miles before it dies peacefully of old age. Every so often, I say "thank you, car, for being so good to me", because good cars like being appreciated. Every so often, I also say, "thank you, testicles, for being so good to me", because good testicles like being appreciated. Every so often I forget that I divulge too much information.


I Celebrate Things Not Going Exactly as Planned

One of the main reasons that I love hanging out with children is that they personify "Things That Don't Go Exactly as Planned." And they're the cheapest, healthiest, most exhausting (but in a good way) form of entertainment around. When a two-year old wobbles toward a sharp corner of the coffee table, and my honed Spidey reflex makes me whip out my hand just in time to catch the toddler's forehead before anything bad happens, and the little guy looks back at me and smiles as if he's thinking, "you are the fastest draw in the West", that's cool. That's cooler than all the reality shows, Jerry Springer episodes, Paris Hilton bootleg videos, Vin Diesel explosions, and the endless trainwreck stories that are told during and occur because of "casual conversation" parties put together. In my opinion, trainwrecks are planned, so I don't celebrate them. When people go out of their way to look for trainwrecks, I consider that planning. Having a nice, quiet day without trainwrecks has become rare now, and I consider that unplanned, and so I celebrate it.


I Celebrate Imperfection

Probably one of the best things that could have happened to me is that I've experienced and witnessed so much perfection already, that I don't really need any more. After all, how many 70-degree, 50% humidity days do we need in southern California before we can be really happy? How many supermodels can exist in the world? Can airbrushing, bulimia, and Photoshop get any better? I think not. The older I get, the more I appreciate "good enough." A good enough book, a good enough meal, a good enough talk with a friend. What a wonderful thing, to be happy with "good enough." Top that off with an afternoon nap, and I'm in heaven.


Of course, there are other factors to why I'm happy, but those described above should give you a good idea about the others. What is here is good enough. I can end my day content, satisfied, and happy. Good night.

Revenge of the Sith, 2nd viewing

Yes, I'm a Star Wars geek. But no, I didn't like Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones. I try not to think about them the same way that I try not to think about Harrison Ford's Hollywood Homicide movie.

But I did like Revenge of the Sith a lot. I went back to see the Thursday 4pm show (the second time in the 24 hours) and scribbled some quick notes.

Speaking of which: "Star Wars Flu" May Strike IT Productivity

The following notes were written while the movie played, so they're in sequence. Warning, some movie spoilers here:

..

Artoo's new attitude. Hilarious scenes.

Brief glimpse of Millennium Falcon docking on Coruscant.

Count Dooku: "Twice the pride, double the fall."

Chancellor Palpatine's holding chamber looks very similar to Emperor Palpatine's Death Star chamber in Return of the Jedi.

One act of revenge was the first step to becoming Darth Vader (beheading Count Dooku).

More imaginative battle sequences. Artoo has same wiseass attitude as in original Star Wars.

Lightsaber is still elegant but shows the brutality, just like in Star Wars cantina scene.

Physics are better used to help tell the story and enhance choreography.

There's more "purity" in the storytelling.

The story is being told more than just showing off the special effects.

Jar Jar is onscreen for only 2 seconds! NO DIALOGUE! (I scribbled this after remembering the first time watching the movie.)

Padme with Princess Leia hairbuns.

Padme's costumes don't get in the way of story--doesn't steal the show like in Phantom Menace.
Skulking General Grievous.

More travelling camera shots, not static.

Padme & Anakin love story is lame. Ebert's right--Lucas can't write a love scene.

Hayden Christensen has a shirtless scene--should bring an extra million dollars in ticket sales. Just like Orlando in Kingdom of Heaven.

Not enough exposition to show Anakin's torment and descent to the dark side.

Why does Padme wear pearl laced gown to bed?

"The fear of loss is a path to the dark side." -- Yoda

Senate votes more executive action to the Chancellor.

Machiavellian machinations? of Palpatine?

Mole on Yoda's left eyebrow is still there.

Better use of light & shadows.

Intro: with a different eye, I watched Revenge of the Sith. (I was going to begin this blog with this line, but it's corny.)

More story development--the movie kept going, no lag.

No lag except for Padme/Anakin scenes:)

CGI Yoda has more facial variations than Anakin actor.

Opera scene reminds me of Godfather movie--shit always happens at the opera.

People have cool box seats and they don't even enjoy the show.

Chancellor Palpatine's lines foreshadowing his future lines as Emperor. Some dialogue is identical to Return of the Jedi.

At the Opera: "All who gain power are afraid to lose it." -- Palpatine (I wrote "Research this scene--has nice lines)

Tragedy of Darth Plagus the Wise. Dark Lord of the Sith. Great understated acting by Ian McDiarmid (Palpatine)

Palpatine, Ovaltine...

Yoda kicks ass but not in a haphazard, trivial way.

Move is full of SUBSTANCE, like Empire Strikes Back.

Anakin dream sequences remind me of Hitchcock style.

"I want more, and I know I shouldn't." -- Anakin

Wonderful use of light and shadows!

Obi-Wan rides a lizard, Grievous rides a motorcycle.

1 lightsaber is good enough. Double lightsaber didn't work for Darth Maul, 4 lightsabers didn't work for Gen. Grievous.

Palpatine is wearing lipstick.

Power that compromises goodness will ultimately corrupt. (personal thought, not in the movie)

Yoda's seat on the Jedi council chamber looks like a little puppy bed.

Whoah. Hayden Christensen shed a tear. Is that CGI?

"I AM the Senate." -- Palpatine

"Once more the Sith will rule the galaxy. And we shall have peace." -- Palpatine. Can I get a yellow ribbon magnet with this slogan?

Yoda doesn't mess around when he executes a beheading.

Yoda leaving on his escape ship looks just like ET's end sequence.

Action, action, action.

Droids can't aim worth shit.

"...for a safe and secure society."

"So this is how liberty dies--in thunderous applause." -- Padme

Anakin did all this thinking he was going to save Padme's life? Women...

The story takes place over a few months?

"He was deceived by a lie. We all were."

The movie follows one of the main rules of a good performance: end with your best.

Why the hell did Titanic make so much money?

Just like Lord of the Rings. Fire and brimstone. Maybe that's where all things end and begin.

"It's all over, Anakin. I have the high ground." -- Obi-Wan


..


Lastly, here's a post on a Star Wars message board (CHUD.com) that made me laugh out loud:

Saw this last night and overall I agree that this is best prequel yet, but that's not saying a whole lot. It's still a troubled film, with some scenes that are so embarrassingly bad that you're ashamed to be in the theater. Still, the good outweighs the bad and the prequel lovers will love it and the haters will have some of theri goodwill won back.

That said, this movie has got serious fucking issues. The main being Hayden Christiansen and his Smarm/Assfucker/Whine approach to acting. If someone could kill him? That would be great.

The other being C-3P0. Sweet Jesus.

Also, I would've thought Anakin's fall to the Dark Side would've been handled with a little more......skill. What we have here is the equivalent of "I'm a Dark Lord of Sith.......NOW!" It's total bullshit.

All in all, a mostly fun movie and lots of prayers the Lucas NEVER BE ALLOWED TO DIRECT ANYTHING EVER, EVER AGAIN!!!!

..

Very good review here: REVIEW: STAR WARS - REVENGE OF THE SITH (DEVIN'S TAKE)

Revenge of the Sith, Return of the Lessons

It’s been such a long time that I had almost forgotten why I liked the original Star Wars, why I was drawn to those movies. Why I still want to watch the original trilogy, why I like them far better than current movies that have a thousand times better special effects.

Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi taught lessons of determination, self sacrifice, patience, responsibility, and balance. They taught these lessons as parables, as myths, with cool heroes, neat space ships and an engaging storyline.

For the same reasons, I really, really, really liked Revenge of the Sith. (When I watch it again, and if it grows better on me and I find more depth to it, I will say that I love it, but not yet.)

I should also like to call this movie Episode 3, because there isn’t as much revenge or sith in this one as there is an explanation of why things became what they became. Its purpose is to serve as an overture to the original trilogy, and it absolutely succeeds in this. It explains, clarifies, and gives meaning to what we are already familiar with. And it does it with respect, nobility, and a return to the operatic feeling of what Star Wars should be.


Return of Memorable Dialogue

“Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”

Of course this is Yoda talking. Or Joseph Campbell. Or the Dalai Lama. There are about a dozen moments of this kind of dialogue where I thought to myself, “Thank God George Lucas resurrected his mentors.” Here’s another:

“What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists, and the Republic has become the very evil we have been fighting to destroy?”

That’s Padme talking, finally some good lines for Natalie Portman. In terms of politics, some reviews have mentioned that Lucas threw in some social commentary in this film, to reflect what is happening now in the world, just as he injected some social commentary in the original trilogy to reflect the Vietnam War. If I were to summarize what I learned regarding government in this movie:

Beware the society that easily accepts generalizations or absolutes, that makes quick decisions based on fear or incomplete knowledge, that concedes total power to a handful of men.


Return of Swashbuckling

The action scenes in this movie DANCED, with a choreography that had meaning and intent. They just didn’t throw a million spaceships at each other. Especially in the opening action sequence, the camera focused on specific points of interest and told its own story visually. There is also an originality to the dogfights and space battles that makes this movie stand out on its own. In comparison to the swap meet lightsaber duels in Attack of the Clones, the Jedi weapon in this movie is treated with more respect and meaning. After temporarily losing his lightsaber and being forced to use a laser pistol, Obi-Wan throws away the gun and comments, “How uncivilized…”

In addition to the swashbuckling style of the original trilogy, there are many many shots and sets that will remind you of the original trilogy, strengthening the connection of this movie to the original trilogy.


Return of Purpose and Balance

The previous two movies, Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, seemed as if they weren’t really leading anywhere. Episode 3, from the opening shot, had a purpose, whether it is to explain how Anakin was gradually drawn to the dark side, or how Chancellor/Emperor Palpatine rose to power, or how Obi-Wan literally became a lynchpin in this whole saga. It is both amazing and wonderful to see the ancestry of Luke and Leia, and you can feel it in this movie.

There is also a great balance, especially in the last act, where Anakin becomes Darth Vader while Padme gives birth to the twins. This, in my opinion, is where George Lucas got my respect back. The combination of John Williams’ score with how this last sequence was shot and edited…it’s as good as the best scenes in The Empire Strikes Back. Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s the Star Wars version of Yin and Yang. You’ll have to see the sequence for yourself. It’s that good.


Return of Mythology

Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones were convoluted and littered with unnecessary nomenclature and blah-blah, and tried to explain and objectify every aspect of the Star Wars universe. The previous movies tried too much to describe things that were better left indescribable. I hated most the fact that they gave a name, midichlorians (blech), to those things that caused the Force. Metaphorically, a life that is convoluted and littered with unnecessary nomenclature and blah-blah, details that lead nowhere, and tries to explain and objectify every aspect of itself, is closer to hollow than a life filled with ideals and purpose.

In Episode 3, the Force is treated as more ethereal again, more elusive, less easy to grasp. Just like patience, fortitude, self sacrifice, and balance, the movie teaches that these things are harder to come by but worth the effort, and the darker things like anger, fear, and vengeance, are, to quote Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back, “Easier, more seductive.”

There are many lessons that I rediscovered while watching this movie, and I hope that when I see it again I will rediscover more. As detailed as it is, in some ways the movie is unpolished, even raw, like the original trilogy, and I think that’s good. George Lucas kept some things imperfect, kept some things untold, kept some things unadorned. Because of this, the movie is closer to the spirit of Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi. The movie is closer to why I fell in love with Star Wars in the first place.

It has been a long time since I said this and meant it:

May the Force be with you.

What's on My Mind, May 18, 2005

The Girl On the Bridge (La Fille Sur le Pont)
French film with subtitles, saw it on the Sundance Channel late night. As soon as Gabor meets Adele on the bridge, I was hooked. "I'm at the end of my rope," she says. "You're too young to even have a rope," he says.


www.itconversations.com
My iPod is much happier because of this site, with downloadable mp3 interviews. Favorite segments include Barry Schwartz, Peter Whybrow, and Briane Greene. It's like NPR without the commercials, solicitations, and mismatched filler music.


John Coltrane's "The Kiss of No Return"
From his Bethlehem Years album. He just knew.


The Art of Living, Epictetus translated by Sharon Lebell
Wonderful introduction to Epictetus, simplified and watered down but a great primer. This book's approach reminded me of The Art of Happiness, by the Dalai Lama. I've been trying to balance my eastern philosophy reading (Thich Nhat Hanh, Dalai Lama, Sogyal Rinpoche) with some western philosophy, this did it.


Lewis Black: Black on Broadway
This one's currently on HBO. Hilarious, intelligent social and political commentary. “On the plane was a Time magazine and there was a 30 page article on diabetes, and I read every page. By the time that plane landed, I had diabetes.”


Lastly, I'm gonna miss new episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, but looking forward to getting it on DVD. In my opinion, it's my generation's I Love Lucy. I can treadmill to Raymond as well as Whose Line Is It Anyway? reruns. An hour passes, I've walked off 300 calories, and I'm happy. Cool deal.

Donut Evolution: How to Hypnotize a Nation in Six Easy Steps

This is all theory. Everything that is said here comes from a limited mind, living in a limited land, disseminating limited information. The limitations are limitless.

I got an idea. It'll take a little bit of time, a little bit of money, and some maneuvering. But I'm betting my life that it works. In fact, I'm betting my soul on it. Others have already, and it seems to have worked.

Step 1: Food

Food is survival, so it'll be easy to get away with abusing this. Give a nation more food than they know what to do with. Don't tell them that others are starving, don't even hint at it, because this will make them feel guilty and think about it, and that's not good. Feed them donuts, hamburgers, soda, and for that matter, any high-calorie food that induces extended levels of food coma. Double the portions of food in restaurants and tell them that they're getting more for their money.

Start early by putting this food in schools. While you're at it, give them a ton of salty food, so they're always thirsty and need to buy expensive bottles of water to quench this new thirst. To keep it cheap, you'll have to modify the way food grows, so use hormones to artificially fatten up chickens and pigs and cows, make fruits and vegetables much bigger than what they used to be.

If they eat enough, for long enough, you can stretch the duration of food coma to last approximately 5 hours, long enough to last before their next meal. Once you do that, they'll always be in a coma. If this doesn't work, give them alcohol. It's just like drinking water, but more fun.

Step 2: Noise

Hearing is the toughest sense to block, which means it's the easiest to use for your own purpose, so go for that next. Bombard them with elevated levels of ambient sound, such as loud music, traffic, gossip, and annoying cell phone ring tones. The louder it is, the more confused they get. The absence of silence means the absence of individual thought. Speaking of which, don't give them anything complicated to listen to, like classical music, or intelligent conversation, or words that have more than two syllables.

So they don't doubt their ability to appreciate "good" music, make all of the music mediocre, call that good music, then give out awards that support this. Awards are good. They validate existence.

Step 3a: Worship

Create a new set of substandard heroes for them to worship, imitate and copy. These new heroes will promote a new lifestyle of overconsumption, abuse, shallow thinking and shortsightedness.

The heroes will need to match a certain template of what the new perfection should be, so they will need an army of stylists, plastic surgeons, publicists, and media pushers to promote their lifestyle. Because of this intense image restructuring, each hero will have a popularity lifespan of about 5 years, after which a new hero will need to be manufactured. Because 5 years is not enough time for each hero to gain insight and knowledge, a team of older, seasoned writers and humanists will script each hero's daily words, opinions, and thoughts, all structured to meet the goal of the new hypnotism. Heroes will range in ages 18-25 since studies show that perfection only exists during this time.

Step 3b: Worship Paraphernalia

If one cannot be a hero, at least one can live like a hero. Make available to the public the same clothes, music, cars and other items that the heroes are using. Create a credit system that will allow consumers to buy these products immediately. To ensure constant consumption, promote items that provide immediate gratification, but have no long-term value. Make these products disposable and replaceable, to mimic the new, disposable and replaceable heroes.

Step 4: Busy

A busy person usually means a productive, hard-working, individual with lots of interests and hobbies. Since this new hypnotized society will neither be productive, hard-working, nor have interests or hobbies, it is necessary to create a false sense of "busy", so that they will at least feel as if they're worth something. Encourage buying gadgets such as cell phones, beepers, and personal organizers, so that they will never have those awkward moments of not knowing what to think about next.

So that they will have something to do at a bookstore, offer coffee. Don't give them enough time to evaluate their lives. Fill every waking second with an activity so there's no time to ask, "am I doing what's right?" If there's no time to think, there's no time to think about what's happening to them.

Step 5: Fear

Fear causes predictable reaction. If you really want to make them do something, make them afraid of something. If there's nothing to be afraid of, create it. Create only one fear at a time. Because of the post-food coma, noise, and their busy schedules, they won't have the capacity to fear more than one major thing at a time. Here's an example list of fears:

a. Crime
It's automatic, so start there. Start each daily news broadcast with the worst crime in the area, regardless of the actual danger or whether the criminal has already been caught. Reiterate sensational crimes that happened in the near past through flashbacks, anniversary segments, and if possible, a television docudrama. Thirty percent of every local newscast should be about crime.

b. Health
Promote cheap but unhealthy food, then introduce medicines and supplements, then warn about side effects, then introduce healthier but more expensive food. Adjust each variable so the cycle never ends.

c. Status and Assimilation
Regardless of each person's material, social and psychological wealth, promote an atmosphere of "never enough" by creating an unreachable standard. Since there is no true standard for every person, create a cyclical, temporary, ideal image through the manufacturing of heroes (Step 3a), worship paraphernalia (Step 3b), and advertising that focuses on human frailties such as vanity, envy, and the need for acceptance.

d. Loneliness
Once paranoia sets in from so much fear, people will tend to want to isolate themselves from the outside world. The problem with being alone for an extended amount of time is that there's a chance of reflection, independent thought, and unpredictable action that might jeopardize the new hypnotism. Tell them that being alone is wrong, and they'll need medicine to counteract these feelings. Then inform them of the medicine's side effects, and introduce additional medicine to counteract these side effects.

e. Aging
After the manufacturing and popular acceptance of substandard but youthful heroes becomes successful, the process of aging will be unacceptable, and a new need for products that prevent aging will emerge. Since the concepts of wisdom, experience, perseverence, and sacrifice are more commonly linked to the elderly, these will all diminish.

Step 6: Transmit Message

Promote the new hypnotism through the most popular methods, including television shows, magazines, news programs, movies, and music. Create environments that encourage the new hypnotism, such as shopping malls, amusement parks, restaurants, stadiums, nightclubs, bars, and planned housing communities.

After all six steps have been implemented, members of the new hypnotized nation will be predictable, fearful, easily influenced, and willing to do anything to be accepted into this new society. They will follow trends and purchase socially acceptable cars, clothing, furniture, homes, and toothpaste. Although they will have absolutely no will of their own, their lives will be socially engineered to perfection. In time, this new, perfect, hypnotized nation, will become a role model for other nations to follow.

And if none of the above works, try War.

Bus Stop Wait

Sometimes I think that I'm a better writer now than years ago, then I run into an old poem like this. Probably written during college, 1986-1988. More fragmented and abstract than how I write now. Don't remember if I had wanted it to be allegorical, but now, in the year 2005, with what's going on in the world, in America, the poem has a new meaning, especially the last two stanzas.


Bus Stop Wait


Watch the street's gutter for
movement, look at the reflection
against its water, it reacts
with concentric circles

find low points on telephone lines
see if they drip, see the telephone birds
not fly away, the larger ones
can take it for a while

find a moving car turn its wipers on, find
a car wash, see if it starts to empty, listen
to your hearing improve as vision gets worse
listen--there are more sounds

take your shades off then put them
back on, the glare is still there
stronger now, bouncing off new surfaces
put your hand out, your palm down, feel it

watch the others look up, take cover
running under roofs, but the wind is blowing
sideways, it doesn't matter, they get wet
they don't see it but they get wet

they look up but there's nothing to see
not like down here, where everything happens
it's on everyone's clothes, everyone's faces
it's the movement in the gutter.

Personal quotes I dug up

Sometimes you have to let the lesson learn you before you can learn the lesson.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but you should write the thousand words anyway.

You'd be surprised at how many stones you can find in a stoneless field.

A well-maintained average machine will ultimately outperform a poorly-maintained great machine.

Even when you're not selling, you're selling.

99% of the world's people are not aware of 99% of the extraordinary things that are happening around them.

Count every grain you feed a horse, and he will, in turn, count every step he takes for you. Feed him to his heart's content, and he will happily run for you all day.

You can't fool all the people all the time, but the rich will buy anything.

The most important thing that money can bring is the realization of its insignificance.

Bliss is never having to worry about bliss.

I'd rather be wrong about a truly good person than be right about a truly bad person.

God has made Himself so constantly obvious every day that we have conditioned ourselves to ignore Him.

I try not to learn too many big words; it forces me to work harder at using the little words.

All wish to be Shakespeare but none want the insomnia.

Not trying is the same as being rejected.

The best cure for yearning is doing.

Dress like it's the truth.

A kid living in poverty in Ecuador doesn't give a damn about the term "exotic."

One of the reasons I get mad at people and not my dog is my dog doesn't know any better, and he doesn't own a driver's license.

Even Gomorrah was popular for a while.

If I can get your message across in half the time and within budget, would you mind if I used minimal effort?

The higher road is a tougher climb but has purer rain.

Once you start living the life that you've always wanted to live, all the things that happened before will simply seem like necessary dreams.

Futility is in the eyes of the beholder.

Words are the conscious intentions, actions are the subconscious results.

If there's anything my parents taught me, it's how to use paranoia to my advantage.

It is foolish to jump into the quicksand simply to kill the tiger that is already mired in it.

Because art is timeless and money is fickle, it is wise to be a timely businessman first, and a constant artist always.

The most unselfish attracts the most coveted.

Make sure you are listening when God whispers into your heart.

A good life's biography should have post-it notes on every page.

Doing good is breathing; doing bad is holding one's breath.

The keeper of the herd is never part of the herd but the herd should always think he is.

If you can't find enough people to associate with who are smarter than you, you're not trying hard enough.

Become everything except that which you cannot be.

The right truths in the right order are often more cunning than lies.

Hone your instincts before trusting them, and vice versa.

Some of the best mosaics are made up of broken pieces.

The worst thing you can do to make the people care about something is to force them to care about it.

Humans that work like machines usually lose out to machines.

Certification? I get certified every time a client cuts me a check.

Half of a sponge's effectiveness lies in its ability to let go.

Too much money is bad, but I'd like to figure that out for myself.

If doubt exists, shouldn't the doubting of doubt also exist?

What is more mundane, an ant, or a person who is unable to be fascinated by an ant?

Trying to force an answer when the answer isn't yet ready will yield the wrong answer.

Do not be afraid to let the world see right through you; the snow is pure not because it is white, but because it is transparent.

Bliss is happiness before happiness.

Cliches are created for those who don't know what they mean but need something intelligent to say.

A poet's only talent is the ability to rearrange the words that everyone has said already.

Every crucial moment is a swarm of bees, to be regarded as painful stings or a jar of honey.

The earlier you finish, the higher the sun.

Can the ideal hold as much truth as the ordinary?

On an island, is a cliche unique?

Stare forever in the face, then wink at it.

The best way to recognize your place in the world is not to recognize your place in the world.

I'd rather solve a problem than win an argument.

A healthy ego realizes that it's a figment of its own imagination.

Do not be afraid to lose a battle of aggression; the prize thrown away by the aggressor is compassion. (paraphrased from Tao Te Ching, #69)

Still waters still troubled pebbles.

The water knows that in order to overwhelm the stone, it has to concede and accept the stone. The water knows that by never claiming victory, it is always victorious.

Even if you're taught wrong, make sure you learn right.

Whenever someone tells me that I'm not responsible for someone else, I remember why I recycle; because somewhere there's a tree that will be spared. If I can do so much for a tree I will never know, shouldn't I give at least as much consideration for a human being?

If they pay you enough for long enough to do something, sooner or later you're going to think that you're actually good at it.

Lust is the untempered, selfish, immature shadow of love.

Know the program, master the process.

Some ask why they don't give out a test for a marriage license. What if marriage is the test, and children the score?

My friends are my friends, whether or not I have pictures of them.

If you need the pep talk, you don't deserve the win.

It's tough to help the world when you need help from the world.

The more you look in the mirror, the more the mirror will make you see what it wants you to see.

Knowledge that is untempered with foresight is worse than ignorance.

If you aren't able to see a person as beautiful, go ask someone who's trying harder than you are.

Every woman tries to raise her son to be the husband she never had. It's up to the father to keep her from succeeding.

There is no traffic except for the speed of the slowest minds.

Dishonestly beautiful women age with a deceit that betrays both the beholder and the beholden.

You are less in control of the things that you think you are in control of, and more in control of the things that you think you do not control.

How you treat the world when you're thirty will be how the world will treat you when you're sixty. Live accordingly.

All the things that you experience, remember them.
All the things that you remember, learn from them.
All the things that you learn from, use them.
All the things that you use, be responsible for them.

Magic is the wool pulled over our eyes. Love is when we turn it into a sweater.

I make it a point not to be an expert at fixing problems so that I will be less tempted to cause them.

Collective suffering is not my idea of a "work environment".

Logic, by definition, is an insult to the human condition.

Those without eloquence, underline.

Knowledge is almost everything.
Wisdom is almost everything.
Health is almost everything.
Friendship is almost everything.
Love is almost everything.
Hell, everything is almost everything.

Never work your thoughts with a partner before retiring. It causes both parties to justify his or her own convictions in the darkness and silence that follows, time that is meant for sleep.

Patience isn't as much a virtue as it is a circumstance.

Never try to outthink a non-thinker.

I speak two languages: I think in english; I curse universal.

It is much easier to create interest through conflict rather than cooperation and harmony.

The more uninteresting a person's life is, the more interest that person will find in uninteresting things.

Those who have done what they enjoy, and have made money at it will tell you to do what you enjoy, and make money at it. Those who haven't done what they enjoy will simply tell you to make some money.

A good teacher is aware that every single thing he says may be absolutely wrong, and still takes the chance of saying it.

Time should be used more for marking than measuring.

What we learn today fills the void of that which we have forgotten because of time. Without constant learning, the void grows.

There is nothing more painful than writing sober. And I am a masochist.

You have to turn a flashlight on before you can decide where to shine it.

Presentation, at best, is only representation.

Someone else being worse doesn't give you an excuse to be bad.

The easiest thing to do is give up. The second easiest thing to do is keep going.

On the other side of the edge of insanity is the edge of mediocrity.

Money can never be lost. Money can be found, obtained, spent, recirculated, and found again. Life, however, can be lost.

None of us has ever lived a life that he intended. But every one of us lives a life that is intended.

A little smite goes a long way.

Altitude is what you get when you take a little bit off Attitude.

Even if everyone were given everything they ever wanted, sometimes the world is still gonna suck.

If we could only refuse to own all those things that caused us pain, we would have half of what we already do and be twice as happy about it.

Humility is a victory you can claim when you claim no other victory from another.

I may ask "why the road?" but never "where the road?"

There are no true promises except those fulfilled.

Children are the questions that adults try to avoid answering.

It is easy to justify anything. Just call it Art.

If they ask if this is a big day, I'll say no, just a typical day in a big life.

Moleskin notes

I saw a moleskin notebook advertised at a Barnes and Noble. The advertising said "it's the same kind of notebook that Hemingway wrote in." Being a consumer-driven shmuck, I bought it. Here are some notes, scribbled all the way back to 2002.

..

I went on my computer to print a drawing. After thinking for a second, a status window popped up and said "no issues".

"You're damn tootin'," I thought.

..

I woke up with a clarity greater than the convenience of my limitations. (12/17/02)

..

It is an angry, lucky world
full of lucky people who aren't angry.

..

Getty Museum, Dorothea Lange exhibit of depression-era photographs: you can tell the employed from the unemployed because the employed wore smiles. (12/28/02)

..

- That's a chinese scroll painting, right?
- Right.
- What does it say?
- I don't know. Something pretentious.

..

"She's kinda cute,
except for that
piece of snot
hanging off her nose."

"That's a nose ring."

"Oh."

..

Jack Nicklaus is the greatest golfer who ever lived. He would have been a greater golfer if he cared less about his wife and family. But he was still the greatest golfer who ever lived. -- CBS Sports

..

"I cannot fight him."
"Why?"
"He has the eyes of a man who has already won."

..

Do conquerors recognize victory
or does victory recognize them?
(6/10/03)

..

There are 3 types of readers:

- One who reads only what he already knows, because he is unconvinced of his beliefs and needs affirmation.

- One who reads with an open mind but without a target.

- One who reads to find the paths to his targets.

..

Sticks and stones may break my bones
but my lawyer can make you insolvent.

..

The new sanctuary,
the new church

is in the bookstore,
where the books are,
where books that
protect us
from ignorance
are.

..

"Simple excitement dulls the ability of the infinite mind." -- from What the Bleep Do We Know (scribbled while watching the movie)

..

"If you can't control your emotion, you're addicted to it." -- What the Bleep...

..

Using the evolution of art as a measurement, has the perception of human beings changed over time? Did ancient artists create those primitive representations of "human" because of limited tools, or a limited perception? (4/13/05)

..

I'm celebrating the periodic discovery of my perpetual freedom.

playing chicken

I saw the movie Sin City, then a week later wrote this poem. Reminds me of Marv in the movie.


playing chicken

this is how it works:

God will decide that you're it
then stare you in the face
kick you around a couple thousand times
just to see what you're made of
see if you break

you'll first try to weasel your way out of it
like there's some kind of loophole or something
maybe negotiate your way out
through compromises and concessions

that shit works for most people
and they wind up walking the road instead of driving it

but not you
you're it
you're the asshole that God picked to be it, so you keep driving.

and that's when you say to yourself
I'm not turning
I'm not turning
I'm not turning, go fuck yourself, I'm not turning.

and right before the big smash
God will snap a Polaroid of you

If your eyes were closed before you hit, you'll see nothing.
If your eyes were open, you'll see everything.

..

The poem also reminded me of Bukowski. His stuff kicks my ass, but I keep trying anyway.



The Secret
by Charles Bukowski

don't worry, nobody has the
beautiful lady, not really, and
nobody has the strange and
hidden power, nobody is
exceptional or wonderful or
magic, they only seem to be
it's all a trick, an in, a con,
don't buy it, don't believe it.
the world is packed with
billions of people whose lives
and deaths are useless and
when one of these jumps up
and the light of history shines
upon them, forget it, it's not
what it seems, it's just
another act to fool the fools
again.

there are no strong men, there
are no beautiful women.
at least, you can die knowing
this
and you will have
the only possible
victory.