Jesus Questions

I don’t go to church every Sunday like I used to, but I think about Jesus all the time.

He was a carpenter but quit his job to walk around and get philosophically spiritual with everybody, right? I don’t think he made a lot of money, owned a big house or a lot of cattle. I’m not sure, but I think he wasn’t too much into money. I wonder if people called him a slacker for not holding down a steady job.

There are some new books that say he got married and had children, but most other books say that he never got married. I wonder if he got in trouble with his relatives for not being married. I wonder if they talked behind his back during family reunions. I wonder if one of his relatives said, “Yeah, sure, he can turn water into wine, but why doesn’t he settle down and get married already?”

Speaking of which, since he had really cool powers, I wonder if Jesus ever showed off to anybody, or bragged about it. Did Jesus think he was better than anyone else? He must have, since he knew that he can outdo anyone. He can even bring people back from the dead. If he ever got into an argument with his disciples, did he ever remind them that, “Yo, I brought Lazarus back, what did you do?”

Speaking of which, after seeing Jesus raise Lazarus, some punk must have challenged him to put his freak on the ladies. Like use that power to get some “action”, if you know what I mean. If he can do that to the dead, imagine what he could do to the living.

I’ve never read anywhere that Jesus asked the locals to build him a church. I think he liked the outdoors, even on hot days when it would have been nice to have air conditioning.

When Jesus was just getting started with his mission, and before he built a large following, I wonder what people thought about him. Did they think he was nuts for rocking the Roman Empire boat? Did they tell him that he would be better off just following the rules, getting a steady job, starting a family, paying his taxes like a good Roman citizen, and retiring at a nice old age?

I don’t go to church every Sunday like I used to. When I used to go to church, I would dress up in my most expensive clothes, wearing my nice jewelry and expensive hair products. I would drive up in my shiny car, walk into church in my shiny shoes, and for an hour, stare up at this humble guy on the cross, with not a penny to his name, looking down at me, trying to tell me something.

I don’t go to church every Sunday like I used to, but I think I’m starting to listen.

The Chemical Why

There are people walking around in the world thinking that they know what they know. They think that because they went to school, did their homework then and still do now, they know what they know. They exist with an absolute trust in their existence, perceptions and theories.

I am not one of these people. At least half my theories have already been obliterated since they were formulated, and not one day goes by where I don’t have to change my mind about something else because I’ve been proven wrong yet again. I will, of course, try to pretend that I know what the hell I’m doing, will put up a fight from time to time, standing up for my convictions, but my friends know that this is an act. My clients know that this is an act also, but because they give me money for services rendered, they look at this aspect of me with squinty eyes (almost closed but not quite), and hope I guess right often enough to produce material worth paying for.

I am as oblivious to WHAT IS as the rest of the world. But I am aware of this. Most of the time.

One of the few things that I am almost sure of is that chemicals are really in control of who I am, what I do, and what I choose. There’s a chemical that makes me like chocolate and hard bop jazz. There’s a chemical that makes me short, another that makes my skin brown, another that makes me not mind being overweight, and yet another that makes me want to write blogs like this and makes me think that people will actually read it.

There is even a chemical that makes me accept the fact that I don’t know squat, and another chemical that makes me be okay with this. I don’t think many people have the last two chemicals in their systems.

All these chemicals form who I am, and (drum roll please) form my SPIRITUALITY.

Yes, this is blasphemy. In every religion except for Buddhism, this is blasphemy. (From what I know, there’s no such thing as blasphemy in Buddhism. I wonder why.)

I believe there’s a megapharmaceutical manufacturing plant (MMP) churning inside everybody. The MMP produces chemicals around the clock. To keep itself unnoticed, it even produces a chemical that makes a person think THERE ARE NO CHEMICALS. This chemical, let’s call it DENIAL, makes a person do things that the person ultimately attributes to something un-chemical, like fortitude, willpower, and spirit.

For example, an artist who creates a beautiful work of art will a) take all credit for it, b) give God all the credit, c) give himself 50% of the credit and God the rest, or d) attribute everything to magic. When in doubt, the answer is magic or something mystical, exotic or not yet understood. Like the paths of electrons and chemicals.

But nobody ever gives credit to electrons and chemicals. If a person wins the Nobel Peace Prize, nobody ever says, “Well, that person was chemically predisposed to do and say the right things that will lead to his getting a Nobel Prize.” Instead, they say that that person was a righteous sumbitch who was relentless in his pursuit of world peace. Never mind that it actually made him “feel” good to do it.

Feelings = chemical reaction

If I got a triple espresso dose of feelgood juice whenever I solved a mathematical equation, I’d have a very good chance of being a world famous physicist. I’d have a good chance of making a good living at it, win awards, get physics groupies to chase me around, and maybe even win one of them Nobel Prize awards.

But if I got that same triple dose of feelgood juice whenever I changed the oil in my car, well, let’s just say that I have a bit less of a chance to win a Nobel Prize.

So, are there things that are NOT attributable to chemicals? Of course there are. All those things that we hold dear, cherish, are unwavering in our beliefs of, the things that we would even die for, all those things have nothing to do with chemicals. They just are, and we shouldn’t question this.