Antihistamines

There wasn’t enough of the day to complain about it. The weather wasn’t more special than usual, the mail came in on time, and I didn’t have to wait too long in any line as I completed my errands. I even got a haircut.

But I’m still recovering from yesterday’s allergy attack, and the lingering tickle-itch inside my head, in a place I could not pinpoint, made me want to find something in the world and regard it as negative.

Even though the bed was made, the laundry folded, and a project finished, it is a frustrating thing to pass twelve hours of existence without oscillation.

Most of the day was on autopilot mode, with thoughts that randomly skimmed the surface for originality, settling on what my mind’s lazy net was able to catch, and serving it up during conversation. I have a feeling that I spoke at least three times in cliches, but am now not able to remember.

Days like this, when it ends, I feel cheated.

But at least I have this written, and I can go to sleep knowing that I did my best to stay awake when I should.

The Sum of All Fears

I still do, but much less so now, although that isn’t an excuse, think very long about what I wear in public. If I am blind to the world’s scrutiny, I dress for comfort. If I am blind to my own welfare, I dress for style, which is almost always slightly painful. When I was younger, I almost always chose the pain of style, as opposed to the mental pain that I would inflict upon myself if I perceived that others may think less of me if I weren’t well dressed and mannered. The process of guessing what others thought of me was, and is, inherently flawed, almost always erring towards the more unfavorable regard. But then again, I had nothing else going for me, or so I thought. Nowadays, I still believe that I have nothing else going for me, but I have neither the energy, time nor disposition to do anything about it. And so, on any given day, I will find myself in public, more or less dressed as if I were to consider myself invisible.

During an interview, Craig Ferguson, the late night talk show host, pointed to his guest’s, the comedian Russell Brand’s, pants zipper. The zipper was unique in that instead of running vertically, it ran diagonally across the crotch of his pants. When asked why, Russell Brand said, “It’s on an angle like that to draw attention to itself.”

Distillation

Why I vote:

I vote to justify my past choices, whether they were on purpose or accidental. I vote to secure my future choices, whether they will be on purpose or accidental.

I vote so that I will have to find information on what to vote on. I vote so that I will automatically have topics of conversation for the next cocktail party. I vote so that people will have one more reason to talk to me.

I vote hoping that the world that I want will happen. I vote against those whose world I do not want.

I vote so that I can keep what I have and get what I want.

I vote to gauge how much my beliefs are in agreement with others. I vote to see my choice among thousands who are the same.

I vote so that I can choose a side, because not choosing a side means that I am weak.

I vote so that I will not be alone.

I don't want to be alone, so I vote.